I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize