My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
