it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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