i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
