I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
