we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
