what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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