y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
