11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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