I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
