The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
