drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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