why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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