We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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