I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
