he shaved USA in his pubs
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
