btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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