What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize