I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want to be your penis for a week.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
