Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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