thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
