fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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