i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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