I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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