Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
