My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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