I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
