Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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