i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
