Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
