I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
