I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
