in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
