My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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