I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When did angry sex become our thing?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
