...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
