ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
