She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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