After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
