Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
