"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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