dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
