I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
