cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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