OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
