yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
