I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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