I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
