I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
