Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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