Why does Corona taste like a burp?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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