Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i've created a new STD.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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