her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Randomize
