turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
