Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
