3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
