yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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