Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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