Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
