Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
