i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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