Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
id be glad to
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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