Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
