In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
