11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
