Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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