He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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