she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
im on a boat
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