Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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