my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think people are normalizing furries
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
